Global Citizens of the World Unite!

Urgent Press Release from the Mainstream Media – Keep the frenzy alive!

While Californians are struggling to regain their balance after the most recent earthquake, we’re writing to calm their fears and further the audacity of hope for all mankind. In case you missed our coverage of Barack Obama’s world tour - stay calm, don't worry, fear not citizens of the world - His Arrogance: Barack Hussein Obama, will put an end to global warming, all wars will end with a giant toga party and tectonic plate movements in southern California and throughout the world will begin spreading like butter!

          The world will soon live in complete appeasement harmony, our cars will run on sunshine, tough talk will tame tsunamis and silly smiles will defeat our enemies. Our military will use their war planes to deliver Girl Scout cookies to third world countries, war ships will be converted to homeless shelters, army tanks will pull plows through corn fields for ethanol harvesting and the Marines will serve sushi at gay weddings. One day soon – arms will only be employed for hugging, fanatically religious Islamic killers will break bagels with their Jewish neighbors and Iran’s nuclear technology will be used to power a brand new Disney Desert Mullah theme park.

         When BHO becomes President, we will have FREE health care for all, our kids will speak Swahili and seven other languages and no one will have to work because we will dine on hope, change and platitudes. William Ayers will serve as Secretary of Education - teaching our kids the importance of civil disobedience and bomb making skills. Jeremiah Wright will serve as Attorney General, metering out justice against uppity white folks and Tony Resco will ensure the Treasury department has proper storage for all newly minted twenty, fifty and hundred dollar bills. Wife, Michelle, will chair the planned office of U.S. Egos & Liberal Elite Snobs. (U.S.E. - L.E.S.)

When His Arrogance, Barack Hussein Obama, is sworn into office in January of 2009, Ludacris will sing the National Anthem with 50 Cent and Charles Barkley playing the O-boe, Reverend Sharpton will provide a rousing inauguration invocation and future Supreme Court Justice Louis Farrakhan will swear in America’s new messiah. Not to be left out, and knowing the importance of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, Jesse Jackson will be charged with security and protecting the family jewels of BHO, instead of trying to lop them off. Budweiser will provide free beer, or be charged with hate crimes, profiling and racial discrimination. Once in office, Britney Spears will handle White House press briefings, Paris Hilton will serve as Secretary of Energy – because of her perkiness and a Frenchman named Pierre or Jacque will replace Bill Gates as Secretary of Defense. In his first 100 days, BHO will sign an Executive order expanding affirmative action to include more bowling opportunities for blacks, jump training for whites and night-vision-goggle training for illegal immigrants. Jimmy Carter will start knitting habitat sweaters for America’s future malaise. Audacious – you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Most importantly, the New York Times, the Associated Press, CNN, BBC and the three major networks will team with MoveOn and the Daily Kos to form the Fairness Universal Network. (F.U.N.!) Keith Olbermann, Oprah Winfrey and Chris Mathews (when his leg stops tingling) will provide twenty-four hour info-tainment. The History channel will play continuous loops of: Bush Lied – People Died, Gitmo Torture Techniques and George Soros – An American Hero. The Weather Channel will change from constant global-gloom-and-doom forecast to discovering that summers are hot and winters are cold. The Food Network will be hosted by Michael Moore and teach us how to make conspiracy cup cakes, health food twinkies and marijuana brownies at Fahrenheit 911°.

We’re so excited about this "New America" - we can hardly contain our fawning glee! Finally - for the first time in our adult lives, we can all finally be a proud of being more than just Americans – we’ll be citizens of the world, loved by all and embraced by our enemies. The rumblings you hear are not another California quake, but the sounds of “O” so much hope. The tectonic plates of good and evil are rapidly shifting and Seismic changes are underway. Yes indeed fellow Globizens, one day soon, the entire world will join hands and chant in unison, “America as we know it - is gone for good!” Yes we will! “O” Goody – America’s greatness is as good as gone!

For immediate release from the elite media to all like-minded agents of change!

Michael Tetrick – Chicago, IL – Tetjet@comcast.net - http://tetjet.townhall.com