I am writing this letter to ask for your help.

I am worried about my Tetrick cousins who live in the great state of Pennsylvania. Barack Obama tells me, they are apparently holed-up in the back hills of some small town "suffering bitterness, clinging to their guns, religion and antipathy toward people who are different than them." I reckon things are worse than I ever imagined!

Now I admit that I have not seen my beloved cousins in many months, but I fear they are spending their days drinking whiskey with Ma and Pa Tetrick and nights cleaning their guns thumping their Bibles and engaging in bitter chants against America. I’m afraid their children may never learn to play the harmonica, wooden spoons or moon shine fiddle, like generations before them.

Please, please take a moment to send my poor cousins a note (at P.O. Box: Back Hills Boozers and Bitter People) to remind them - they are not really that different, to put down their guns and come down from the hills. Cousin Tetricks, please I beg you - release your Bibles, booze and bitterness and know that Barack Obama will save you soon! Add a special prayer for cousin Tim and his pet opossum “Oponchos,” who seems most vulnerable to these “bitter, bible clinging - gun toting ways.”

Your loving cousin,

Mike Tetrick

Chicago, IL. 60657

 tetjet@comcast.met --- http://tetjet.townhall.com/