Captain O'Captain!

Imagine for a moment that you are a passenger strapped aboard a commercial jet and headed for the nation’s capital, Ronald Reagan National Airport, in Washington, D.C. With its short runways, restricted airspace and surface-to-air missile sites watching your every move - it is clearly one of the most challenging arrival airports in the United States, even on a beautiful summer’s day in July. But on this particular day (Inauguration Day 2009), the day you’ve elected to travel, the skies are dark, the ride is rough and the forecast for bad weather ahead are certain, unmistakable and daunting. Just prior to descent, you’re anxious, nervous and frankly a little bit scared, knowing that your future safety is totally reliant on the skills of others, when suddenly the Captain’s lenitive voice fills the air in self-confident, soothing and sapient tones to say the following:

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain, Barack Obama, and along with my first officer, Hillary Clinton (loud cackling can be heard in the background), we are about to begin our descent into the Nation’s capital – land of liberty, and home of the brave where anything is possible. Like you, I am shocked to be piloting this space craft to the future (“It’s an airplane, Barack!” – another shrill cackle echoes from the background); but as an extremely liberal, formerly registered Muslim and admitted drug user like myself can attest, hope is audacious! How a black man, like myself, can get more love, adoration and stick time from the African American community than true American heroes like Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice or Clarence Thomas is like aviation itself – it defies the very nature of gravity. Well what goes up, folks, must come down - so we are joined today for a mission of hope, destiny and soft landings!

 Now I must admit to you that I have never landed under such adverse conditions, but I’ve been present during several briefings and was raised with lots of love. It is my dream that if we wrap our arms together, reach out for what is possible and think positive thoughts then as one - we can CHANGE our desti-nations weather! Now some have said that I am full of false hope, that my head is in the clouds, but it is I who am wishing for blue skies over all Americans. I strongly believe that we should never have set off on this journey to begin with, but my co-pilot and others insisted on flying into this quagmire, so together we’ll hope for the best. It is my personal belief that we should simply turn around and go home, pull out and set our sights toward a better tomorrow. I am optimistic, hopeful and determined that bad weather will never visit our own neighborhoods and we can prevent all inclement conditions through our belief in one another, the future and clean coal technologies.

As we make our descent together into the nation’s capital and former home to some of the greatest leaders the world has ever known, I am reminded of the immortal words of legendary leaders like Hillary’s husband Bill …… Our first President of the United States, George Washington, …… and the celebrated civil rights leader, the reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Now I am only paraphrasing these great men, but I am sure you will all understand, appreciate and join with me in this message of hope when I say, “It depends on what your definition of “land” is, but I can not tell a lie, that neither Hillary nor I have the slightest clue how to land this thing. So believe me when I say, I have a dream that we will be judged by the content of our good intentions and not our crash landings. (Thunderous applaus !)

So my fellow Americans - as we descend through more altitudes - while crossing new latitudes, I’m not preaching platitudes – just urging good attitudes. (Deafening screams of mashing approval!) In closing let me say on this fateful day, the immutable George Bush still sucks, because after eight years of his failed administration we still don’t have universal health care for all Americans and I have a feeling many of you on this flight, still suffer this sad plight. If this landing ends up the way I suspect, you’re definitely going to need it! But hope springs eternal and anything is possible, so say it with me:

Yes we can! ……. Yes we can! ……. Yes we can!”

And now my fellow passengers, I must return to the capsule .... Errr …. ah cockpit, but here are a few words from my long time spiritual leader who will pray for our safety, especially if you happen to be black, denounce America or simply don’t like white knuckled flyers. Now please welcome, the man who baptized my daughters, married my wife and me and has more hate air than a jet engine …….. The Reverend Jeremiah Wright!

“God Bless this aircraft? …. No! No! No!   …. I say God D#*@% this aircraft! …”